Dear John or Blogging it to Death or The Worst Ever Blog
Blog 8 – Dear John or Blogging it to Death or the Worst Blog on Earth – Every week an intentional porkie pie is told. Be the first to spot it and this week you will get six free handout sheets emailed to you on any writing related topics of your choice.
Louis di Bianco posted information on his Facebook wall regarding the worst blogs in the world. I went to the website and discovered that a blogging cardinal sin is to self promote.
But that’s one of the main reasons I blog. More on self promotion and Blogging it to Death later.
Let me tell you about Louis di Bianco. He was my landlord when I lived in the French-Portugese area of Montreal in the late seventies. He was a Vietnam draftee and his next door neighbour was a German/American draft dodger who was given one of the few Nixon pardons. Juergen was therefore able to return to the US having fled to Canada for asylum. Louis sub-let his apartment to me when he went to fight his way to Broadway so officially Israel’s father was my landlord. Israel used to come round to my flat every Friday night for the rent and to knock back brandy and that was all. These then thirty somethings were gentlemen itself. They really were. And when Juergen Dankwort – my pardoned neighbour – drove me and Mr Red Hat down to New York, my twenty two year old self couldn’t have asked for more protective child minders at midnight on 42nd Street. Louis was rafeish and dark and deliciously Italian/Broncs as his name suggests and it’s good to see him posting all sorts of vital information on his wall. As my Christian name was Titterington – he nicknamed me Twitters and when we reunited on Facebook he said, “Who would have thought, Twitters, that a whole social network would be named after you?” Can you believe Louis has over 1000 friends on Facebook? I hope they all fly to read my blog.
Well, try and find a fib in there. No-one found last blog’s fib – I think the whole thing was too hormonal. And who said they thought I could have been quite netbally sporty at school? Oh, come on … a 52 week a year period?
As for ‘Blogging it to Death’ and self promo – Creative Ink Publishing is delighted to announce that that Tony McHale – BAFTA award winning producer of ‘Holby City’ and BBC scriptwriter and director of ‘Casualty’ and ‘EastEnders’ – will be judging its ‘Dear John, Dear Anyone …’ writing competition. The best letters, emails, texts or Skypes will be filmed by Creative Ink for Actors and an overall winner will be chosen – unknown to everyone but Tony and the technical director until the release of the DVD. The overall winner will receive £100 and the runners up will receive free DVDs.
You can write up to 600 words but there must be some kind of ‘brush off’ – romantic or otherwise.
The entry fee is £5 and donated to the British Heart Foundation and Hearts & Souls.
The deadline is July 31st – by email to creativeinkpublishing@gmail.com and pay your entry fee to Creative Ink Publishing, send by post with cheque (payable to Creative Ink Publishing).
Details: Creative Ink Publishing, 11, Pitch Pond Close, Knotty Green, Beaconsfield, Bucks, HP9 1XY and for full details go to www.janmoranneil.co.uk
Still a few places left on my Creative Ink courses this coming summer term on Tuesday and Thursday mornings and also the ‘Get that Book’ weekend course on May 21st and 22nd. Check out my website.
Dear John, Dear Anyone …
Dear John flyer
Blog 9 ‘Dear John, Dear Anyone …’ Writing Competition.
Creative Ink Publishing is delighted to announce that Tony McHale –BAFTA award winning producer of ‘Holby City’ and BBC scriptwriter and director of ‘Casualty’ and ‘EastEnders’ – will be judging its ‘Dear John, Dear Anyone …’ writing competition. The best letters, emails, texts or Skypes will be filmed by Creative Ink for Actors and an overall winner will be chosen – unknown to everyone but Tony and the technical director – until the release of the DVD. The overall winner will receive £100 and the runners up will receive free DVDs.
You can write up to 600 words but there must be some kind of ‘brush off’ – romantic or otherwise.
The entry fee is £5 and donated to the British Heart Foundation and Hearts & Souls.
The deadline is July 31st – by email to creativeinkpublishing@gmail.com and pay your entry fee to Creative Ink Publishing by post with cheque (payable to Creative Ink Publishing).
Details: Creative Ink Publishing, 11, Pitch Pond Close, Knotty Green, Beaconsfield, Bucks, HP9 1XY and for full details go to www.janmoranneil.co.uk
Put Your Heart & Soul into it …
Creative Ink Publishing is also launching Patricia Sentinella’s collection of the same name. Priced £7.99 and available on Amazon, Waterstones or send cheque to 2, Church Cottages, South Weston, Thame, Oxon, 0X9 7EF with SAE (two 2nd class stamps).
Bread Pudding Days
Blog 8 – Bread Pudding Days …
Fiction is a fusion of truth and lies …
This bi-month there are no porkie pies …
For Muriel 10.6.22-14.2.01
With love.
Bread Pudding Days by Jan Moran Neil
On soggy days
when the rain spits
my mother’s house is filled
with the warmth of cinnamon sticks,
rich dried fruit
and softly sifted sugar.
She folds and wraps our words:
- the bargain cost of my orange gloves
- the price we paid for our lost loves
- our woeful tales of wicked hate
- our splendid plans to be great.
All are measured, sieved, considered
for their mixed worth
baked into something sturdy,
crusty, spongy and deeply palatable.
And in that cooking fragrance
- the weight and varied textures
touching half remembered edges -
my mother’s syllables and smiles stretch on:
a balm against the greying bits,
a refuge against the rain which spits.
Goalpost, Playing Fields and Botox
Blog 7 – Goalposts, Playing Fields and Botox. This week a free 1000 assessment (to be redeemed by end of April) for the first in to spot the intentional porkie pie.
Alas – I do not know my Latin from my elbows. I had lived my life believing that ‘eheu’ in Latin meant ‘alas’. Even Master Mind thought so. And whenever Mr Justin Case sneezes he shouts ‘eheu’. So it was an errant ‘p’ in ‘epheu’ I was looking for in the last blog as my intentional fib. But ‘eheu’ actually means oh or ow. ‘Vae’ means ‘woe’. ‘Heu’ is latin for ‘alas’. But what is a ‘p’ or an ‘e’ between friends? Well done Ms www.silverscreensuppers. A copy of my play ‘The Deadly Factor’ is winging its way to you.
Phew! Totally unrelated to anything at all, have you noticed that now Botox is available to the common masses the celebrated gentry have all changed their minds or moved the goalposts on their bumpy playing fields? They have been enjoying their closeted secret of uplifting for some years but now Janet down the Street or Lubyloo has access, it’s publicly declaimed. Ah, well, I never saw a goalpost during my education as I suffered from 52 week a year periods and a phobia of potholed playing fields. I just never had the right equipment for physical education.
Talking of education, I’m laying on a ‘Get that Book Out of You’ weekend course – From Pitch to Plot – on Saturday 21st May (10.00am until 4.00pm) and Sunday 22nd May (12.30pm-5.30pm) at the Fitzwilliams Centre, Beaconsfield for all those writers who work during the week and want to know how to get past the graduate in the corner of the publisher’s office with her calves knee deep in the slush pile. Enquire within if you would like to know how. And if you don’t work full time you can come in May or take the one place left on my Tuesday (Get Inspired) or Thursday (Get that Book) courses.
News coming shortly of the judge of Creative Ink Publishing’s international writing competition ‘Dear John, Dear Anyone …’ Up to 600 words. £5 entry for a charity TBA. Send to creativeinkpublishing@gmail.com and cheque made out to Creative Ink Publishing sent to 11, Pitch Pond Close, Knotty Green, Beaconsfield, Bucks HP9 1XY. Best of the bunch to be filmed by Creative Ink for Actors and winner gets £100.
From Paige to Performance
Blog 6 – From Paige to Performance – (Ms Paige Turner tells an intentional fib on each blog. This week win a copy of her latest play – ‘The Deadly Factor’ – if you are first past the post. Click on the title to leave an answer in the box.)
Mr Double Cream from Uxbridge! How could you suggest (and more – heavens above! and epheu! – which is ‘alas’ in Latin) that I intentionally left an ‘o’ out of Pookey’s name at the Crazy Bear! You bring the exclamation marks out in me! And I really was in Cape Town before Christmas. What would the Fish Hoek Scribblers do without my occasional injection? But back to the letter ‘o’. Both Caroline Francis and Zaneta Lawrence came in at the same time with the intentional ‘printer’s devil’ of a ‘U’ replacing the correct ‘O’ in Uxbridge as Master Mind’s true blue educational establishment. If you have it, flaunt it.
Caroline and Zaneta will enjoy free tasting at Creative Ink classes which I am pleased to say are bubbling over with only one place left on each course this term. And talking of devils – this week’s prize is a copy of my last play – ‘The Deadly Factor’– featuring seven of them – for being the first to deposit the spotted fib in the box below and not on my regular emails, thank you.
This week I would like to plug Writing Magazine and Writer’s News. I’ve been working for them for a couple of years now as both a home tutor and a monthly contributor and the staff are a delight to work with and for, especially the editor, Jonathan Telfer. It’s always good to keep in with editors. My twelve part series – From Page to Performance – has just begun in February’s edition so do subscribe on www.writingmagazine.co.uk The magazine is full of useful tips and news.
I realise that my blog has been full of a plethora of characters: Miss Connect, Miss Tea Tree Oil, Miss Fairy Tale Days, Ms Silver Screen Suppers, Miss Publicity, Miss Trial, Miss Juke Box, Master Mind, Master Sound Advice, Master Brylcream, Mr Red Hat and not least Mr Justin Case. I hope I am not suffering from crowding my page or stage and will get back to re-entries in due course but at the moment I am very busy with Creative Ink’s new project – ‘Dear John, Dear Anyone’: a launch of our first book this year and an international writing competition to find the best ‘Dear John’ letter, text, email or Skype (up to 600 words). The full details will be out very soon but get writing …
Pookey and The Crazy Bear
Blog 5 – Pookey and the Crazy Bear – Ms Paige Turner tells an intentional fib each week. Be the first in to spot it and this week you could win a free taster session at Creative Ink for Writers to the value of £25.
What did you get for Christmas then? A new watch? More on watches later and more on ‘Pookey and the Crazy Bear’ – which is what my husband – I call him many things but let’s call him Mr Justin Case – got me for Christmas.
I want to talk about Master Mind as he has waited too long to be introduced. But like Ms Silver Screen Suppers www.silverscreensuppers.com said when I asked why I wasn’t one of the sixteen baubles on her Facebook Christmas Tree – ‘there just wasn’t the space’. Actually, I don’t want to be a bauble on Ms Silver Screen Suppers’ Christmas Tree – I just want her to keep commenting on my blog which she does. Bless her. I like Ms Silver Screen Suppers and I like Master Mind – which is handy as he is marrying my daughter – Miss Trial (the junior criminal barrister). Master Mind is very handy as he is the Lighting Director on my plays, has a double first from Uxbridge and knows all about the US losing patience with the Chinese over the exchange rate. I’ll be wearing a hat at the wedding – but not a red one as you know what they say about red hats.
Both my writing classes at the Fitzwilliams Centre will be running this term starting on Tuesday 11th (Get Inspired) and Thursday 13th (Get that Book) and there are a few places left. The theme for the Tuesday class is ‘Time’ to fit in with the Rhyme & Reason writing competition. For more details contact http://www.irhh.org/sitehome/pdf/fundraising/RRCompEntryForm.pdf
Talking of ‘Time’ – can Replica Watches please stop leaving messages on my blog inbox? I don’t believe you find my blogs riveting. I think you just want free publicity – which I do give to people when I think they are ‘quality’.
Talking of quality, my husband – Mr Justin Case – (so called because he always double checks bookings – which is handy when you are sitting at Cape Town airport the week before Christmas and had three Virgin flight cancellations and three black ladies are telling you there is no plane on the tarmac and you’ve phoned the butcher to double check the turkey arrival on Christmas Eve and why did my butchers find it hilariously funny that I was stranded in Cape Town?). I lost my patience and I’ve lost my thread. My husband didn’t buy me a watch for Christmas but he did buy me a Thai massage at the Crazy Bear in Beaconsfield. Pookey greeted me on Wycombe End by giving me a great bear hug and a kiss for the New Year. What a way to start it! Along with a reunion of deadly sins who were in my play ‘The Deadly Factor’ last year.
I thought that ‘Pookey and the Crazy Bear’ could be a great title for short story or poem. But please don’t get hung up on bears. Think about composing a ‘Dear John’ letter or email or text – because this year Creative Ink Publishing will be launching – amongst other things – a national writing competition on that theme. More details in a couple of weeks after my production meeting with Miss Juke Box (so called because she designs our flyers and builds our sets – her juke box for my first play ‘Blackberry Promises’ still in our garage) Master Sound Advice, Master Brylcream and of course … Master Mind.
Happy New Jahr!
At This Present Time …
Blog 4 – At this Present Time …
Rose Chaffe won herself a free taster for being first past the post to complete this old saying: Red Hat, No Drawers. Prostitutes in the nineteenth century were identified by the wearing of a red hat.
No-one writes or reads blogs the week before Christmas so this is short and snappy and I’ve been busy buying gifts at this present time, so I will be back on Monday 3rd January with a prize for the first to spot the intentional fib.
Oh … and watch out for those wearing red hats this festive season.
Red Hats and All Things Festive
Red Hats and All Things Festive (This week Ms Paige Turner invites you to complete a well known catch phrase to win a free taster session at Creative Ink for Writers in Beaconsfield.)
Well, in the last two weeks I had a plethora of pixies and kelpies purporting to be the intentional fib. My daughter (Miss Trial) – and never for a moment has she been one – was a kelpie and she only lasted six weeks in the Brownies as well. There really were fairies in my day and I don’t know why they were re-named. Maybe fairies aren’t politically correct but I still think most girls want to be one – and fairy princesses at that. So why not try Ms www.fairytaledays.co.uk (who has been an actress in Creative Ink for Actors since its inception in 2002 ) and buy a little girl a Red Letter Day for Christmas? More on all things red later as I haven’t finished with the fairies yet. I was briefly a gnome in Croydon. The brevity of my stay as a Brownie explains why I can’t tie knots. But I promise to do my best. Miss Trial isn’t dexterous either but it hasn’t stopped her becoming a junior criminal barrister. (I said junior criminal barrister!)
I will try to be brief. More on briefs later.
The intentional fib – oh – come on – if you have seen my play ‘The Deadly Factor’ is that Sloth must come after Gluttony. One has to have the energy to eat mince pies before one falls asleep comatose in front of ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here’. Well done to Ms Sue Thairs – who has no wares for me to sell here but who is truly relieved to have won a DVD of my play as her kitchens and bathrooms have been under serious construction and she needs some light relief.
My blog is a little like that. Everyone still posts answers on my private email because they don’t know you have to click on the title of the blog for the response box to appear. Sue Thairs tried for ages to get into the box so I’m giving her the DVD as she was the first one to spot the incorrect order of those two sins.
I promised to introduce Mr Red Hat. I’ve known Mr Red Hat since we studied together at the Central School of Speech and Drama. He constructed my website (ITCS) and there is a link from my website www.janmoranneil.co.uk to my blog. I love telling this story about Mr Red Hat. We were asked to do a presentation for the charity ‘Shelter’ at the Royal Albert Hall for fifty youth clubs. Well, I thought it was fifty youth clubs so I didn’t bother to learn my lines as I was behind on The Larynx (we studied Voice). Mr Red Hat didn’t learn his lines either. When it came to the day, I thought I could hear an awful lot of people from the dungeons of the Royal Albert Hall and when I looked up to the dock – the Hall was filled. It’s a big hall. It holds eight thousand people. The organiser ripped my script away from me as I was ascending the stairs to the dock saying, “You don’t need this,” but Mr Red Hat saved my sausages. He made something up about Shelter caring – do you? He once completely made up the part of Pyramus in ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ and he became a disc jockey which explains a lot. Anyway, I wanted to call him Mr Red Hat as it’s the name of his production company but he said I just made that up. Still, I like him and it’s a nice story.
So – in order to win a free taster session at Creative Ink for Writers – at the Fitzwilliams Centre, Beaconsfield – which begins Tuesday 11th January (‘Get Inspired’) and Thursday 13th January (‘Get that Book Out of You’) 10.00am until midday for six weeks – and if you are a lovely writer living in Florida or a lovely cousin living in Belfast and can’t get to … just give it away. It’s the first one in to complete this catch phrase correctly:
Red Hat, no … (what?)
1. CLICK ON THE TITLE TO SUBMIT BELOW THE BLOG.
2. CLICK ON THE BLOG TO READ PREVIOUS BLOGS.
3. CLICK THE BUTTON IN THE RIGHT HAND CORNER TO RECEIVE NOTIFICATION OF NEWLY POSTED BLOG. EVERY OTHER MONDAY – NEXT ONE – MONDAY 20TH DECEMBER.
4. EAT BEFORE YOU FALL ASLEEP THIS CHRISTMAS AND NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND.
Miss Silver Screen Suppers knows how to do all the above as she always posts on my blog but you will have to wait until next time for her as Miss Connect says enough is enough. Sorry Master Mind …next time …along with news of Creative Ink Publishing.
Prize must be redeemed by June 2011.
Master Mind and The Nature of Sins
Blog 2 – by Ms Paige Turner – posted every other Monday
(She tells one intentional fib on every blog – see if you can spot ‘The Porky Pie’. The prize for the first correct emailed answer this week is a free DVD to the value of £10 …)
Bless Mr A. Brick who said that my being no spring chicken must be the intentional fib. I was drawn to giving Mr A. Brick a freebie 1000 word assessment – last week’s prize – but I think he was just buttering me up. A number of gentlemen seemed to think that I couldn’t have possibly sold men’s ties. Why? And it’s true that decimal coinage was introduced in February 1971 but we Woolworths’ girls had to switch over at the end of 1970.
So the winner of my first blogged and intentional fib was Ms Louise Norton for coming in minutes after my blog went on air. Never made a home made chocolate biscuit in my life. Well done, Louise who is writing her autobiography – ‘Dancing around Life’. I had scores of emails – thank you so much. But if you comment at the bottom of my blog, justice is seen to be done and I get brownie points.
I was a brownie in Croydon for only six weeks. I was a gnome: a seriously depleted group of three as every girl wants to be a fairy. After six weeks, I got my uniform and our sixer promptly left. I thought I should immediately get a seconder’s stripe – I was next on the list. What did they do? Fly in a pixie and made her a sixer. That’s life, folks. Whenever you think you’re on the brink of success, they fly in some canny elf else to scoop up your prize.
On to prizes. The prize this week for spotting the intentional fib is a free DVD – to the value of £10 – of ‘The Deadly Factor’ – my play which was performed by Creative Ink for Actors last summer at Barn Hall, Amersham.
There are seven sins. In order they are: Pride, Covetousness (Greed), Wrath, Envy, Sloth, Gluttony and Lechery (Lust). The scenario in my play is that seven actors ‘get into their characters’ shoes’ and as they prepare for their role, they progressively become more deadly. There is a recording contract for the deadliest of them all – and at each performance there is a different ending, unknown to even the real actors themselves. It all set up a jolly good discussion as to which is truly the deadliest of them all and I would be interested to hear your views and why – PLEASE COMMENT AT THE BOTTOM OF MY BLOG. If you go to the site Creative Ink for Actors on Facebook you can become a member and watch our developments posted there along with production photos by the delectable Miss Publicity.
‘The Deadly Factor’ was our eighth production and if some other fairy wins this week’s prize you can always purchase a copy from me and know that your tenner will be going to Project ‘Educating Joy’. Joy is a four year old friend of mine who lives in the Cape townships. We have almost enough money to educate Joy for a year so please purchase a copy.
Look – I know I promised to introduce Master Mind this week but Miss Connect emailed me and said, “Paige, keep this snappy. Less is more.” And I always do what Miss Connect tells me to or I am in danger of pressing all the wrong buttons which happens to be one of my signature dishes.
So alas and alack, you will just have to wait until the next bi-monthly blog posted every other Monday to discover who Master Mind, the delayed character is …
Miss Trial (who always says that justice must be seen to be done – so post your comments on my blog site in case you didn’t get that) and Mr Red Hat are bustling in the wings waiting for their entrance and I must now go! Miss Tea Tree Oil is hovering in my driveway with depilatory wax as I speak …
Hello Chickens or The Importance of Tight Foundations
Blog 1 by Ms Paige Turner
Hello, Chickens or The Importance of Tight Foundations
(She tells one lie on every blog – see if you can spot ‘The Porky Pie’. The prize for the first correct emailed answer each week is a free assessment – up to 1000 words – of your emailed writing …)
I spent the morning watching the polish dry on my toenails, basted a chicken and put it in the oven. I forgot to apply a base coat.
I would like to introduce the first of a plethora of characters: my niece – let’s call her Miss Connect. Miss Connect is into the business of marketing small businesses via websites and has connected my blog from my website to her Box of Blogs. She said a blog was A Shop Window, although it might effectively be called A Public Diary.
I know there is absolutely no virtue in being un-technological. In 1970 when I was selling men’s ties at Woolworths I had to learn to switch to decimal coinage. I’m now just about switching into my menopause and I’m switched on to modern technology – and for fear of Blogging it to Death – here is some news of my professional activities.
There are several branches to my creative bow: Creative Ink for Writers, Creative Ink for Actors and Creative Ink Publishing. This week I will focus on
Creative Ink for Writers – which was established in 2000.
I run two creative writing courses each academic term on a Tuesday and a Thursday morning at the Fitzwilliams Centre, Beaconsfield: Get Inspired – which this term is exploring Familiar or Unfamiliar Faces in Familiar or Unfamiliar Places, subtitled – Let’s Face It. The Tuesday morning faces are delightful but no more delightful than the ones in my Thursday morning group who attend the course: ‘Get That Book out of You’ – for those writers wanting to tackle a bigger project. You can come and taste a class and my homemade chocolate biscuits any time for free if you book a seat. I never run over twelve writers as twelve writers are as much as any one tutor can handle at a time. And how lovely these writers are to handle. Many of the writers attending my classes over the years have contributed to local and national magazines – some even publishing their own anthologies or novels with the help of my Red Auto Correct I include up to 20,000 words assessment in the termly fee and I purport to be the fastest, best and most competitively priced assessor around.
I also write. My last play: ‘The Deadly Factor’ has just been published by New Theatre Publications www.plays4theatre.com. Seven actors are vying for a recording contract with a major producer. The problem is that the seven actors are preparing to play the seven deadly sins and progressively become nastier as they ‘make up’. Which is the deadliest of them all? Well, keep reading my blog and you will find out. But more on sins later …
Watch out on my next blog for news of another feather in my tree: Creative Ink for Actors which has developed from the embryo stage in 2002 to full blown productions and films. Since its inception, many of the delightful young actors and actresses have had babies which do get in the way a bit of productions: Isabella and Freddie, Elise, Saffie and Jacob. In fact some actresses have been fully blown pregnant during rehearsals, explaining why a number of my characters are about to give birth.
Talking of babies, roast chickens like all creative people and projects need child minding so the oven calls. My beauty therapist – let’s call her Miss Tea Tree Oil – told me that from menopause and thereafter one should never look at one’s face in a magnifying mirror with one’s spectacles on. Alas, my days of being a spring chicken are over. Miss Tea Tree Oil also said that not putting a base coat on your toenails before polish is a cardinal sin and that foundation garments are vital.
Thus, with relief, have we come full circle which is such a good place to be and my blessed blog has been founded. I’m happy to publicise your websites on my blog and/or introduce you as a character if you give me work. Until next week then when I shall discuss The Nature of Sins and introduce Master Mind …
Ms Paige Turner aka Jan Moran Neil – www.janmoranneil.co.uk
N.B. Winners of Ms Paige Turner’s ‘Porkie Pie’ competition must email words within a month.
